For the Sake of Aaron: Celebrating Our Black Men |
"Men for All Seasons" by Charles Bibbs
|
Why young men choose older women
by Mybrotha.COM Relationship Editor
When observing traditional American views of relationships, age has always been a deciding factor for choosing a mate.
For some men, the difference in age is extremely important and they consciously select women from an age range they feel comfortable with.
Those comfort levels may be based on maturity, preferences, desires, or even stereotypes. Typically, a man who chooses women this way--picks a number of years he’s comfortable with and places his own age in the middle.
For example, a 30-year old man might use (five years) as his mark, and choose to date women between the ages of 25 and 35.
For other men, age is simply a number that should not be taken so seriously. These men put little effort into establishing boundaries based on age differences. They often place more emphasis on compatibility, availability, and physical attraction.
These are the guys who yield to their desires, and don’t restrict themselves to a woman’s birth date.
Another group of men is made up of those who exclusively search for younger women or older women. This type of direct selection is usually the result of specific desires or needs based on experiences, perceptions and oftentimes, fantasy.
Different men are attracted to different things, and while tradition says men should seek younger women--there are many who are hypnotized by older women and commit themselves to finding one.
Many men and women believe that there are several advantages for men who date and establish relationships with older women. There are also countless traditional views that say older women are better equipped to teach younger men about life, love and sexuality.
The belief is that an older woman carries more mental substance, has more sexual experience, and will appreciate the vigor of a young man--much more than women his own age.
Older women are more likely to be set in their careers, and more likely to be established financially and emotionally.
They are more in tune with their own bodies and sexual desires, and aren’t afraid to express those desires.
Older women are also more likely to orgasm than younger women, and the expectation is that they will be able to teach or indoctrinate younger men into more sensual pleasures.
But the term "older," is relative and always depends on the age of the man.
Tradition usually dictates that men seek women who are younger, and women seek men who are older.
This social trend stems from the perceived notion that a man should be prepared to take care of a woman when she leaves her mother and father; and a woman should look for a man who is capable of providing security and some level of experience with life.
For women who don’t need men to take care of them, and the men who aren’t looking for women to take care of--the older woman/younger man scenario fits perfectly.
The attraction goes beyond social taboos such as men looking for mother figures, or women looking for "mama’s-boys"--both of which can be achieved no matter the age difference.
When asked why they pursue relationships with older women, most men say their decisions are based on the need to avoid such trivial issues like mind-games, youthful indecisiveness, and the inability to express one’s own desires.
But the main reasons given for why men seek partnerships with older women were 1) their openness and self-expression; 2) better maturity; and 3) higher self-esteem.
The connection many men seek with older women really has less to do with numbers, and more to do with a motivation to move past the preliminary rounds and begin taking part in the main event.
