For the sake of Aaron:

Celebrating our Black Males

by Patricia O’Flynn Pattillo
Funerals of young victims are far too common today. A recent visit to one of our funeral homes, recently, showed three males under the age of thirty.

Whether they were crime related or natural causes were not disclosed in their eulogies, however, it is not presumptive to conclude that some of them were preemptive deaths.

I attended the funeral of Aaron! Aaron was only 19-years-old. He was a second year student and second place winner in golf at his beloved university. He was a blue-ribbon-winning percussionist in high school. He was a Sunday school participant, a runner, volunteer and a conscientious young man, by all accounts.

His father said he never talked back, as do typical youngsters. In his youth, they went to the library every Saturday to get library books and their only fight was when his father told him in high school, "Son, I know you love science. That’s the only kind of books you’ve always gotten. But your teachers want you to learn a little literature, history and other subjects, too."

Aaron is said to have told his Dad. "But you said I could have any book I wanted." His father persuaded him to bring home two other books, the other four, of his typical six, were still science related.

Aaron’s Dad is a tenured lawyer. His mother a teacher. His grandparents, an integral part of his life, throughout, were a principal and a teacher/social worker, both now retired.

Aaron lived in a beautiful subdivision, was very popular in high school. His pallbearers were equally Black and White. His friends, of equal interracial percentages, came from high school and college! He was obviously admired.

Good looking, bright, athletic, well liked, both parents, plus grandparents, there to help in his child-rearing. He had all of the accouterments we usually think add to the stability and solidity of our Black youngsters. So, why would a youngster, with so much, feel that he had so little that he would take his life?

The minister said it best! "We will never understand it. And, sometimes, the Lord’s work is not to be understood. It is to be accepted, based upon His promises." And, "the mode of transport; the amount of time required to get to a destination is not as important as the destination and ensuring that you get there." Heaven was the destination about which the minister was speaking. And for believers, and I am one, I cherish his parable for it brought comfort. For the moment!

Of course, Aaron is just the name given to a phenomenon that is increasing, exponentially. And the causes are so varied that few would be able to capsule the reason. Author, Anne Fessler, a psychologist, has written a book called "Privilege and Failure. "In it she shares that children must be permitted to fall, for it is in resilience that they learn their own capacities.

She continues stating that today’s parents are more concerned about the tangibles, how the child looks, his grades, and his ability to win in sports, rather than what values has the child learned. Has he learned how to respect people, see value in people who are not like themselves. Has the child learned how to play the game, not just win the game? Do their grades demonstrate what they have learned and how they will use it.

Fessler says there are two kinds of parents, the pushers and the intruders. The pushers might ask the child what they did at school, what they learned today. They could question if you have homework, or have you completed your homework. A common refrain might be, "before you go to bed I would like to know that you have done all that you are supposed to do." The onus is on the child.

The intruding parent would greet the child asking how did you do in school today. What did you get on that test? What homework do you have to do? Do you need help? Let me see your work. And, if the parent is not satisfied, he/she goes about helping the child do the work. Or, regrettably in some cases, the parent does the work themselves.

Fessler clearly demonstrates that encouraging your child is different from assisting him. Expressing expectations is different from insisting upon certain tangible reports, awards, and trophies. She further reminds that each child is different and must be respected as such, at the same time he/she is expected to grow, develop, and be able to contribute. And no parent should encourage their child to "expect" or be entitled to something that they have not worked for nor earned, themselves.

The past several months, we have consciously examined the role of the MCJ for year 2007. We bring closure to a 52 week exposure of exceptional people who have done extraordinary things that have impacted the city of Milwaukee, throughout the newspaper’s tenure, 1976-2006. Yet, we prayerfully ponder our focus for 2007.

This year, we have shown major contributors from varied professions, businesses, religious and elected office capacities who have made history, in their own right. But they have also made life better for Milwaukeeans, Black and White, through their personal accomplishments and community-wide achievements. Each merited the "Best of the Best" entitlement, they richly deserved the accolades.

But the growing incarceration statistics, the mounting crime data, the malaise associated with high school drop out rates, plus mounting unemployment, have not gone without scrutiny. Additionally, we all know the discomfort associated with, "but what can WE do?"

As fate would have it, anxiety about whether these concerns should be the subject of the next year, appears to being answered, everyday, with non-gentle nudges but rather knock-me-over belly blows that lead us to believe that our concerns merit discussion.

Our community’s concerns demand a dialogue. Our support systems, agencies, and professionals, in these areas, will hopefully lead us to a better understanding. We hope that through understanding, a community resolve may be evidenced which forces us to see the realities more clearly. Of equal importance, we may come to know where and how to begin the healing, changing, resolution-driven process.

Aaron, as stated above, is the impetus for beginning this process! But in truth, the process has been on-going, for Associate Publisher Mikel Holt, has shared for a long time, the pain he still feels, three years after the loss of his son, Malik, through an automobile accident.

While Associate Publisher Robert Thomas, still cannot talk about the feelings of loss associated with the death of his son, Terrence, now 14 years ago. Both associate publishers shared the ambiguity of their pain versus the ‘expected" reactions and the rage that results from being unable to "talk it out, or off!"

Followed by those conversations were several articles by Clarence Page, editor of the "Miami Herald" newspaper and his accounting of Black-on-Black crime and its devastation within the community’s and the nation, as a result.

Finally, I read the article by Dr. Ron Rice of Morehouse College, the historically all male Black institution that has groomed the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.; our own Dr. William L. Finlayson; former Secretary of Health and Human Services, Dr. Louis Sullivan and immediate past President of Morehouse School of Medicine and former Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. David Satcher; the late Maynard Jackson and many other notables. Dr. Rice has begun a study on the image of Black men, how Black men see themselves in today’s society.

Recently, the body of a Morehouse College student was found in the trunk of his car, outside his residence, in Atlanta. After days of questioning, three students, peers of the young man, were apprehended. The deceased had only twenty dollars. The alleged conspirators wanted cash! Deplorable! Unconscionable! A travesty! Drugs appeared to have been the intent of the assault.

So, we see that Aaron is just the tip of the iceberg! Something is wrong! There are multiple notions and authorities on the subject. We are not! However, these areas will be discussed as we begin this 2007 journey. A lot of people are speaking out on the subject, but few have followed it and its many tentacles, weekly.

"For the Sake of Aaron" will welcome physicians, infant mortality experts, educators, religious advisors, sociologists, psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists to share. And, as we have done over the past fifty weeks, we shall identify positive Black male role models to feature. We hope their stories will be beacons for all, particularly our young men coming along today.

Corporate leaders, business entrepreneurs, elected officials, artists, and entertainers will be spotlighted. Additionally, service agencies who are working with teens will be approached for their expertise.

A number of African American men, concerned about the male image and involvement with Black males will have collaborative voices throughout the year. An expert, who has spent over twenty-five years, as a social worker in the prison system, will share her observations, and offer some suggestions.

Already we have received poems and prose from males, expressing their joys, their frustrations and their hopes. Somewhere in this malaise, there is symmetry, a pattern, and some dots that come together. We hope that a tapestry will began to reveal itself, as we create a vehicle for dialogue.

While males will be our primary subjects, of course, there will be responses and recognition of females; wives, mothers, sisters, sweethearts, all are an integral part of this discourse. Join us, as you have over the course of the last "Best of the Best" series. We all learned more about who we are, and our magnificent accomplishments, so worthy of celebration.

"For the Sake of Aaron: Celebrating our Black Men" begins next week. We encourage you to journey along with us!